all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
