dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
