I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
