I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
