I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
