i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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