There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize