i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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