would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
