oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
