I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
