I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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