i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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