hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
