"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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