Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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