They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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