I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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