So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
