Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
