My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
where are you?
Hypothermia
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
