What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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