Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
