Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
