hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
