I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
