If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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