Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
