im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
