she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
