if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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