Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
