I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
