Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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