He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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