Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
