CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
