im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
