i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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