She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
