i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
