i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize