i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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