just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
