After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
