yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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