Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
