So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
