I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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