Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
