Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
