Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
whose parrot is this?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
