everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
