I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just google imaged poop.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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