Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
