I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize