My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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