I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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