i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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