I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
