even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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