I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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