***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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