why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
