My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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