oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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