would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize