just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I die, sorry about rent.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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