I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
