Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found puke in my bra..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize