Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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