I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
