just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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