i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
