Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
