This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
