Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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