A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
