i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
