No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize