he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
